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DATE: 24-29th AUGUST, 2016

Having  a Great Life As a Teenage Girl

Chances are you are a teenage girl, around the ages of 13-19, and want to be the best teenage girl you can be. To start improving your life, you have to remember to be aware of your physical, mental, and social state. Being intelligent, healthy, and having good friends keeps you happy. Not to mention having the trust of people around you is very important. So, does this sound interesting? Read on to learn about what you can do.
Steps

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    Keep your body healthy. Being healthy doesn't mean being the skinniest girl. Being extremely skinny can be unhealthy, and guys aren't attracted to it either.
        Don't compare yourself to other girls at your school. If you are concerned about your weight, ask your doctor for proper health advice.
        Don't go on those fad diets, like "Hollywood Cookie Diet" or anything like that. If it sounds fake, it probably is. Plus, you're a teenager; you're growing and not getting the nutrients you need won't make you healthier if you follow some silly extreme diet!
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    Exercise! You can't be very healthy if you don't have any exercise. It's very easy, actually. As long as you're moving or on the go, you're doing fine! It all keeps you healthy.
        Find ways to make the activities you're already doing a little healthier. For example, you can try doing sit-ups while you are watching TV. If you're listening to your iPod, you can take your dog for a walk and still listen to your music.
        Doctors and health physicians recommend that you get an hour of exercise every day. You can make it fun, too! Invite a friend over and watch some of your mom's old Tae Bo videos while exercising along with it!
        You don't have to be perfect at it, as long as your heart rate is up that's great! The best way to burn calories, however, is by running, mainly. Do you have a treadmill in your home, or a fitness center in your town? If you have a treadmill in your home, just enter your accurate weight and age and it's easy to burn calories! Just keep at a steady running pace, and you can make it more fun by watching TV or listening to the radio.
        Something to keep you exercising every day is to make goals. For example, give yourself a reward after exercising each day after two weeks. Don't make it something that will ruin it, like eating a hot fudge sundae. Instead, go to the mall and buying a new shirt or pair of jeans to celebrate your healthier body!
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    Watch what you eat! This may sound like the hardest part of being healthy, but really, it's not at all. One of the main things to do is eat breakfast every morning.
        Do not skip breakfast to try to lose weight. If you do, your body will just use stored fat as your meal which is very unhealthy and will make you gain weight. You will also be more tired, and your brain won't be at it's best.
        Some good breakfast meal ideas are sunny side up eggs, a banana and a glass of milk, cereal, whole wheat toast, yogurt, or Special K waffles with low-fat syrup, or a cereal bar. Yum! They also will keep you going for the rest of the morning until lunch.
        Speaking of lunch, be wary of the cafeteria foods. The cookies and brownies and doughnuts and french fries they may have are delicious, but don't tempt yourself. A good idea for a meal is a bottled water or apple juice or milk with a chef salad. If you are still hungry, most schools have the ala carte option so you can have baked chips or a 100 calorie pack to go with it.
        For dinner, you can have whatever your parents are cooking, just in smaller portions.
        Also chew slowly, this tricks your mind into thinking you're eating more when you're not, so you get full more easily.
        This is always being repeated to kids, but eat lots of fruits and vegetables. You can basically eat as much as you want of those because they're so good for you. Go to the grocery store with your parents one day and pick out a variety. Find your favorite ones! But most importantly, think about what you eat!
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    Have a healthy mind! Being mentally healthy is also key to being the best teenage girl you can be. You don't have to be the brainiest girl in the room, but always try your best! Also, it doesn't mean getting good grades. It's also having common sense and knowing what's best for you.
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    Care for your appearance. Bathe regularly. Especially as you get older, shower every day to keep yourself looking and smelling clean. Complete this look with your clothing. Rather than wearing loose, oversized, baggy old clothing with holes and stains everywhere, take care to present yourself as clean and organized. This doesn't take much effort. Get a couple pairs of jeans that fit you, and make sure only to wear clean shirts. If you're concerned about fashion, devote a little more time to researching and shopping for the cutest, most popular outfits; however, this is not necessary.
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    Be friendly. The best way to make friends is to be friendly to everyone you meet. Greet others with a smile and a nice "hello." Ask people how their days are going, and open up to them if they return the favor. Presenting yourself as a friendly, approachable person will help others feel comfortable and happy around you and will help you make friends with more people.
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    Get along with your parents. Like it or not, they're going to be a huge part of your teen years, so you might as well get along with them. Don't go out of your way to disobey them or make them unhappy. Instead, obey them as much as possible, and talk to them when you have problems or concerns. After all, they've already been through everything you're dealing with, and their wisdom can be invaluable. Having a good relationship with your parents will make a huge difference in how much you enjoy being a teenager.
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    Pay attention to your studies. One of the most important things is to always listen to what your teacher says. If you are spacing off or passing notes to your friend while your teacher is trying to explain something, you will miss out on what you were supposed to learn and not understand how to do a math problem or what pages to read in a book, etc. Or worse your teacher could call on you, and you won't know what he/she is talking about, which can be very embarrassing.
        Always do your homework. Yes, it can be boring, but just work your hardest on it and get it over with. If you don't do any of it, you'll probably fail your next test on that chapter because you won't understand anything. And when you fail a test, that moves your grade down, which will show up on your report card and which will tick off your parents. See how this domino effect goes?
        And it would all be because you didn't do your homework. If you don't understand it, ask your parents, or a teacher. Even during class! You may feel dumb, but chances are there will be someone in your class who had the same question, and your teacher will appreciate you asking.
        As a last resort, you could ask a friend. But make it a good, reliable friend who won't go off-track with the assignment and start talking about something else. The best thing about getting better grades is that you will be proud of yourself, plus your parents will be proud too, which leads to them trusting you more and giving you a longer leash.
        But on the other hand, what if you fail a test? The first thing you may want to do is rip it into a million pieces and throw it in the garbage. Don't. Your parents will find out anyway, so you might as well keep it. The next thing you should do is go over what you did wrong. Did you make a small mistake? Or you possibly didn't get it?
        Make a list of questions on things you want to go over with your teacher, and he/she will respect you for wanting to responsibly take care of it. You could maybe even ask your teacher if you could redo the test, or do something for extra credit. Another thing you might think when you get a bad grade is, "I'm so stupid the only career I'll ever get is picking up litter!." Always remember, one bad grade on a test won't affect your entire grade. Just study more on your next test and all is well!
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    Use your common sense! Well, common sense may sound like a no brainer, because it is. You are your own person, and everyone else should respect that. Don't let anyone judge you upon first meeting you. If they do, they're not worth your time.
        Also say no to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes! They aren't cool. If someone offers it to you, just say, "Sorry [insert name here], but I don't want to mess up my body." If they think that's lame, they're the ones who are! You are the cool one because you know how to stand up for yourself and be smart! Also, drugs and cigarettes can lead to baggy skin, big under-eye circles, and yellow-brown teeth. And alcohol can make you act like someone you really aren't, not to mention all the bad things for your body.
        And don't have under age sex either. If the boy wants you to do that, it's wrong, and if they truly care for you, they won't even ask or if they do and you say no, they'll respect that and won't ask again. Sure, you may want have sex, but you could get an STD or even get pregnant. And if they say "If you really love me, you'll do this", a red flag should go up! This is wrong, and do NOT say yes! Don't do it until you're ready! Don't ever feel pressured to do things like that. You don't have to do drugs, drink, or sleep around to be cool or respected. Being cool and earning respect from others comes from being yourself.
        The bottom line is that you must treat your body and self with kindness!
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    Be sociable! The most popular girl in the room isn't the one with the thinnest waist or fairest face. It's the one who has self-confidence and is happy with who she is! It isn't that hard at all.
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    Be confident and believe in yourself. If you're constantly worried about what others will think of you, you'll be too nervous to give them anything to think about. Don't worry about other people, as they're only focusing on themselves and their opinions don't really matter. Instead, do what makes you happy. Relax and have fun with yourself, regardless of what everyone else is doing

Firstly people with genuinely low self-esteem, a poor self image and low confidence, have been insensitively lumped together with bullies, narcissists, criminals and child abusers. No, really!
Popular assumption was that people did bad things to other people because they, themselves have low self esteem. But if you have ever asked yourself: "Do I have low self esteem?", fear not. All the evidence points to the conclusion that low self esteem is a distinct condition, so if you do have self esteem you don't have to feel that you are in the same group as bullies or abusers.
Research has found that people with genuine low self esteem tend to treat themselves badly not other people. Stopping people being bullies by trying to lift their self esteem may be like trying to get an obese person to lose weight by feeding them lots more cake.
In the 1980s there was a movement to raise self esteem in schools in the belief that this would stop bullies bullying and prevent future crime in society. But peer reviewed research has shown schools trying to raise self esteem don't prevent bullies bullying ⁽²⁾ (because low self esteem wasn't causing them to bully).
Artificially and ineffectively focusing on lifting self esteem doesn't raise academic performance either ⁽³⁾. As you'll see, the 4 methods schools attempted to raise self esteem may have even damaged the sense of self worth in those suffering genuine low self esteem.
Low self esteem is not to blame for nearly as many problems as has traditionally been thought. It was also assumed that self esteem could never be too high.

2) Too high Self Esteem Linked to Criminality

It is now clear that too high self esteem or 'High Self Esteem Disorder' is often more of a problem. (This is NOT merely a 'disguised' form of low self-esteem, as commonly thought). So, if you are the victim of a bully then you can rest assured you don't have to feel sorry for them.
Hundreds of pieces of reliable research now show that bullies and many criminals are much more likely to suffer from unrealistically high self esteem and impulse control problems than low self esteem. An exaggerated sense of entitlement - expecting much from many situations - is more likely to lead to frustration and aggressive, antisocial, or even criminal behaviour. If self esteem can be too low it can also be too high. It was a crazy and unwarranted assumption that all human behaviour could be explained away by low self esteem.
So what are the symptoms of real low self esteem?

3) Characteristics of Genuinely Low Self Esteem

1. Social withdrawal
2. Anxiety and emotional turmoil
3. Lack of social skills and self confidence. Depression and/or bouts of sadness
4. Less social conformity
5. Eating disorders
6. Inability to accept compliments
7. An Inability to see yourself 'squarely' - to be fair to yourself
8. Accentuating the negative
9. Exaggerated concern over what you imagine other people think
10. Self neglect
11. Treating yourself badly but NOT other people
12. Worrying whether you have treated others badly
13. Reluctance to take on challenges
14. Reluctance to put yourself first or anywhere.
15. Reluctance to trust your own opinion
16. Expecting little out of life for yourself.

So what is likely to cause very low self esteem? Take a look at how to build self esteem. But one major factor is history.

4) Child Abuse Increases Likelihood of Low Self Esteem

People who were abused as children (physical beating or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer low self esteem as adults ⁽⁶⁾. They have learned that they are of little value in themselves or just an object to be used. They have been 'brain washed' by constant criticism or abuse that they are a certain way. When a person begins to question this former conditioning or brainwashing then a healthier and more accurate sense of self can begin to emerge. This happens in a similar way to how people may break away from the brainwashing of a cult. There are other forms of abuse and certainly a history of being heavily criticized or unfavorably compared to others can lead to low self esteem ("why can't you be more like your brother!").
Former abuse may lead to post traumatic stress disorder which maintains the sense of "damage" and low self worth. Once traumatic memories are dealt with effectively the mind becomes clearer to form a better self esteem. So what else does the low self esteem sufferer need?
So past conditioning (often but not always from childhood) can produce low self esteem in adults. But why didn't the drive to raise self esteem in school kids (starting in California with a legislature to raise self esteem) prevent childhood depression and low self esteem from rising?

5) You Can't Argue Someone Better!

The 1980s drive to raise low self esteem in schools backfired ⁽⁴⁾. Why? Well it was based on the idea that low self esteem can be successfully treated by a bombardment of "positive messages". But research has shown that positive affirmations actually worsen the mood of people who already have low self esteem ⁽⁵⁾. It seems that positive thinking as a "blunt instrument" used repetitively to try to brainwash people to feel better about themselves is too superficial an approach. And the person with low self esteem senses this.
Telling someone they are great or wonderful when they are constantly negative about themselves will not work. Imagine if you really detest yourself and someone tells you that you're lovely even as they are telling everyone else the same thing.
In fact people with low self esteem can be upset by disconfirming feedback. Healthy self esteem needs to emerge subtly, not as a sudden result of hearing you are 'really special' or 'fantastic'.
Paradoxically, being "too nice" to someone with very low self esteem can drive them away. People need to develop better self esteem gradually, through "proof" in the real world. Just being repeatedly told (by someone who doesn't know you that well) that "you're wonderful" has never been found to work in lifting low self esteem.
Whenever we're highly emotional our perception is distorted. When people calm down around the idea of themselves then a healthier self-esteem can emerge like a green island coming into view when mist clears.
What else do those with low self esteem need?

6) A Little More Uncertainty Can Help

Contrary to popular opinion, people with low self-esteem tend to be very sure of themselves. That's the problem. This manifests in their conviction that they are worthless or inadequate. As you will know if you have ever tried to argue with someone who puts themselves down continually, it is very hard to do! When someone with low self esteem starts to become less sure of their own opinion of themselves and therefore begins to assess counter evidence regarding their worthlessness, their self image begins to become more healthy. At first the "ugly" duckling was certain it was a failed duck but that misdirected certainty had to loosen before its true life direction could become clear.
Good self esteem is actually a by-product of living in a healthy way. So rather than trying to raise it directly it's easier to focus elsewhere (such on what a person does) and let self esteem rise as a happy side effect of a change in living. What do we all need in life that will help us incidentally feel better about ourselves?

7) Build on Solid Foundations

For anyone to be psychologically and physically healthy then core needs have to be fulfilled. Being clear about what you need and making efforts to meet those needs constructively means you'll naturally have better self esteem as a by-product of living well.
This is useful list of basic human needs:

1. The need to give and receive attention
2. The need to look after your body.
3. The need for meaning, purpose and goals.
4. The need for a connection to something greater than ourselves
5. The need for creativity and stimulation
6. The need for intimacy and connection to others.
7. The need for a sense of control
8. The need for a sense of status and recognition from others.
9. The need for a sense of safety and security.

Of course, it is likely that at any one time, one or more of these may be slightly lacking in your life, without dire consequences. However, in the long-term, they must all be catered for one way or another.
Something else the "low self esteemer" needs is the capacity to focus off their own emotionality and merge with experience so they gain more enjoyment from life.

8) Healthy Pleasures Are Vital

When you have a healthy level of self esteem (not self hating but not narcissistically self involved either) then you find it easier to actually forget about yourself. You'll only think about your toe if it's in pain or if you are obsessively proud of it - otherwise it can take care of itself. It's the same with your sense of self.
We all need to engage in activities which we enjoy and in which we can 'lose ourselves' regularly.
Someone's mental and even, to some extent, physical health can be directly related to how 'self-referential' they are in their conversation - as people become healthier they use the 'I' word less ⁽⁷⁾, in the same way that when your knee stops hurting you don't need to rub it any more. People should be encouraged to focus their attention away from themselves and this becomes easier once they have met their own basic emotional needs in healthy ways.
We all amplify some parts of our experience and minimize others. But if we habitually do this by expanding the bad stuff and linking that to self esteem whilst belittling the good stuff, distancing positives from self esteem, then it doesn't take a rocket scientist (or even a psychologist) to see that low self esteem will result.

9) Make the Most of Success

Low self esteem requires a particular attitude towards success. Whenever you succeed at something, you must 'write it off' as good luck, chance, or someone else's responsibility.
To gain a more realistic view of yourself, you need to take appropriate credit for your successes. In the Self Confidence Trainer, we call this skill 'Converting'.
This involves learning how to convert real successes into statements about your self. The other part of the picture is to view perceived failures as temporary and not statements manifestations of your 'core identity'. When you stop discounting things that go well and magnifying stuff that doesn't go so well you are less likely to be depressed or suffer low self esteem. Period.
Low self esteem treatment should consist of a balance between teaching new thinking, emotional and behavioural skills. See: How to Boost Self Esteem
Ultimately a healthy balance should be encouraged, as should the development of real practical skills such as how to be assertive and build a social life.

10) It's not just about Positive Thinking!

Positive thinking can be useful in that it challenges you to form a different view on things. However, most of the time it just takes the form of arguing with yourself, and as we've seen from 4) above, this doesn't work.
Low self esteem may drive us to constantly and negatively compare ourselves to other people. As self esteem rises to a healthy level you'll find that you do this much less. Check out this 'do you have an inferiority complex?' for more ideas on how to stop negatively comparing yourself to others.
To change your self image and improve low self esteem, you need to believe in an alternative opinion of yourself through experience, not just repeat platitudes about how great you are really! After all in the words of a wise man: "If you are not for yourself then who else will be?"